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Now an only child

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vbf888
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:56 pm

Mon Apr 12, 2021 6:12 pm

Both of my sisters have passed leaning me questioning everything. One in 1997 and one in May of last year. The one on the right is Sherry paying in 1997. They one on that left is Kim on she's passed last year. Bring without her is making me question my faith, my family, my reason for being, my want to be. I've always had her to go thru things like this with me. Now everything is all on me. My nephew is gone on drugs and homeless and idk hour to help him and I don't want anything to do with anyone outside my household. My made headlines and someone sent out pictures and now having those pictures of her lifeless body still in the truck is haunting me. I am broken without my sisters. I need them to talk to me and help me understand how and when their here. How to do what to do. I am freaking lost. Please help.
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Sanford_P
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2019 5:39 pm

Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:28 pm

VBF888, lost without her sisters. I am sorry for your loss. It’s obvious you were very close and leaned on each other. Now she is gone and you are alone.

From the might Osho Zen deck we have three cards, a King, a Queen, and a Major Arcana. Lost without your sister, feeling like everything is spiraling out of control. By all means, question everything. Perhaps you will find the old answers don’t fit anymore. Find new answers. Let’s begin.

First card is Control, King of Clouds. This is not a happy king. He has everything under control, but has locked himself out of life in doing so. His fists are clenched, his eyes stare ahead blankly. It is the nature of life that most of it is out of our control. We can control a few things like what we eat or how we react to people. For the most part, stuff just happens- good and bad- and there is nothing we can do about it. We can try to order our world, but it is a losing battle.

I had a very humbling experience about control a few years back. My wife developed schizophrenia. I tried everything to help her. I loved her and used my considerable resources to help her. She had a beautiful house in a family oriented neighborhood. The community pool was walking distance. In the end it wasn’t enough. She chose her unseen friends over the life I offered her. I had to let her go, or rather, come to terms with the reality that I was enabling and not helping. There was no bringing her back.

Next card is much happier, Flowering Queen of Rainbows. Here we see a queen who is rich, whole, sensual. Seeds fall from the sleeves of her gown without number. She doesn’t care if the don’t all take root. Some of them will and produce in abundance. It may not seem like it but you are rich as well, rich in love and compassion. I’ll bet you are the sort who takes in strays from time to time. Yes, I know your focus is inward at the moment, tying to make sense of it all. Take your time, but don’t stay there. The world is waiting for you to come back and share yourself once you have found answers.

Last card is Aloneness, Major Arcana Nine. It shows an old man walking the path alone, guided only by the light of his own truths. The comes a time in life when each of us must navigate life alone without companions, maps, guides. You are at that point right now. Master Osho has a wonderful take on being alone. I quote from the book.

“When you are alone, you are not alone. You are simply lonely- and there is a tremendous difference between being alone and being lonely. When you are lonely, you are thinking about the other, missing the other. It is a negative state. It would be good if the other was there but the other is not. Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of self. {Let that sink in for a moment.} Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, an overflowing presence. You are so full of presence you can fill the universe with your presence.”

I know you are a million miles away from feeling this way at this time. You do feel lonely, you feel the absence of the other. It will take time to adjust to the new normal. Life never lets you get comfortable before throwing something else at you. I know you are hurting now, feeling utterly uncertain and incomplete. It’s perfectly natural. This time of uncertainty will give way to a new time of being at peace. The cards don’t lie.

I hope this helps.

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