ABT Paranormal, Psychic Forum

I came to a realization today, and I wanted to share it to see what others feel.

There is this cycle in my life, an endless one.
I meet someone, we have a good time, we connect, we care for each other, I open up and show myself, then I am abandoned.
Again and again.
With opening up I mean 'sharing my life story', which is, in all honesty a bit heavy in nature. It contains alcoholic parents, being abandoned by family as a child, being chronically ill.
People leave, when I share that. I guess they do not like it (I do not like it either).
So what is that? everybody tells me to open up, to share who I am, to talk about my problems, to trust.
But again and again when I do so, I am punished with abandonment.

Today I was sitting, doing nothing but feeling the pain of recent abandonment once more, and trying to understand.. trying to understand why. Feeling like giving up.
My cat walked in right in that moment, and decided to lay down right beside me, placed his little head on my arm. He completely relaxed and seemed to feel total and complete peace and love. I massaged his little head and felt so much love back.
Then something popped up in my mind "there is no story".
There is no story.
When an animal loves a person, and the person loves back, then there is no story. Nothing but love. No yesterday and tomorrow. No words either.

There is a curious thing that always made me wonder.
When I make friends with someone, and share my life with them, they leave. So they do not like me anymore then.

When I walk on the street, and see a stranger, I often get smiles from them. Strangers like me.... how odd.
When I see a child, I get the biggest smiles. The child likes me.. how?
When I walk in the park and pet a dog, the dog is over the moon and wants to play, he likes me.
When I visit someone and the cat of the house jumps on my lap, to cuddle and purr.. the cat likes me.

When there is no story, people like me. When there is no story they see only someone gentle and friendly. People usually like me right away. They seem to trust me right away, feel free to share themselves right away. But as soon as I share as well.. they leave.

So should I stop telling my story? And only be the gentle stranger that smiles?
I already hear people saying 'no! you should be who you really are!"..
But truly.. that does not work. My life story makes me less likable. Maybe some life stories are too heavy to tell. Maybe people run away from that.
I should leave the 'maybe'.
"People run away from that."

I actually do not mind being the gentle smiling person with no story. But.. I do have past pain I need to work on. And sometimes I long for some help, or for 'someone' to just care, some company along the way.

Bumblebee, it took alot of courage to even write those words, you should never be afraid to speak who you are and where you came from. I agree with Samanthaj, you are that smiling, kind face that attracts people, comforts them and makes them feel safe. You have a story but here's the twist, with all that you've been through, your spirit Still shines through with warmth and welcoming that few can claim to still have. Regardless of your past. I'm a firm believer that by simply saying or writing your feelings down, it helps with healing. It helps you to see that you're dealing with those emotions and even if its just a start, you acknowledged it. I know it can't be easy to feel abandoned, know that there are many out there just waiting to meet you (like myself and others here) that you can freely talk.

Dealing with that past pain is a long process, but you don't have to be alone in it. It may not be easy to put trust in others after your recent experiences but just have faith that you are Brave. Simply by opening yourself up, not everyone has the maturity or empathy to continue the lines of communication. Like Samanthaj said, fear is a beast, your past is your past, your path is meant to take you beyond that. I truly wish the best for you and hope tomorrow is a better day :)

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