While I was away, I turned my focus inward and went through a deep introspective phase. I underwent a transformation of sorts - am still in the process, I think. But I had a spiritual, mental, and energetic shift of the magnitude that I now view my path as "before" and "after" this shift. This was entirely internal, not caused by any major life event (though aided by guides and spirit).
I feel the need to share some parts of what I experienced before, during, and after this shift.
For those unfamiliar with me, I have always been sensitive, receptive. As a child I used to converse with entities others couldn't see and I used to describe "memories" of things that never happened to me. I've also always been empathic.
Clairaudience is my primary "ability." I tend to get voices and sounds from spirit/guides/spirits. I also can see entities others can't, and I can read people with assistance from spirit. I used to use Tarot cards, but I've found now they tend to muddle things (more on that later).
I'm not particularly religious, per se, but I do lean toward Christianity. The idea of going to church doesn't appeal to me, but I often pray to Michael and Raphael when I'm seeking guidance or strength.
I've had a pattern throughout my life of attracting and being attracted to "troubled" people. I currently view these people as those with missing aspects of themselves (more on that later). The same pattern repeated over and over in my romantic relationships for years. I'd date a man who pretended to be kind and charming, but wasn't. The mask would fall away eventually and reveal someone selfish, unkind, greedy, and violent. I went through several of these cycles until the most recent one, who was not violent or dangerous as the others were. This one was aware of his missing aspects and discussed them with me, which began my own epiphany in this area of my life. At the same time, behavior I had viewed as normal in these relationships was more readily talked about as abusive in society rather than ignored or normalized.
I had some mental and physical distress during the early stages of this shift. It involved spiritual work (meditation, study, etc.), turning my way of thinking upside-down, opening my mind to possibilities I didn't see before, and changes within my physical body as all of this occurred. Here are the "symptoms" I personally experienced:
- Heightened anxiety
- Heightened sensitivity
- Great empathy for the world as a whole
- Panic attacks
- Stomach discomfort and dietary changes
- Ringing in the ears
A lot of changes occurred within me as I changed. I rewired my thinking (and am still doing this), meaning redefining what my "normal" is within my reality. I slept less and got ill and rundown quite a bit. I felt a great need to Do but wasn't sure what to do. I did begin a low dose of anxiety medication to take the edge of my heightened perception so I could better function. Here are my symptoms during this time:
- Body aches
- Overwhelming sensitivity and anxiety
- Great emotional distress over disasters and such on the news
- A feeling of helplessness
- A great desire to help others
I am currently still in this phase and am ever-changing. I currently find myself greatly heightened in many ways. My abilities are sharper, keener. I sense things more clearly. Spirit work I used to find difficult is coming easier to me and I feel a pull toward more challenging practice, particularly healing and communication, truth-seeking. Grounding, shielding, and chakra clearing are now very easy for me to do without much effort. I can sense all energies/entities around me always, but not in an invasive way I can't "shut off" as before. They're around and I know this, but they're at a distance psychically. I can deflect negativity and am no longer attracting negativity. All negative entities that passed through frequently before are gone from here now. Many people in my life that brought a lot of negativity have naturally been disconnected from me, either because I had a clear realization about their nature or because they weren't able to join me on this new path I'm on. I'm able to recognize "unfinished" people - those with missing aspects of themselves who seek people like me to fill those voids with our energy. Once I realized the nature of these kinds of people I couldn't not see it and I spot it quickly and easily now. The same goes for people similar to myself - lightworkers or whatever we identify as. There's now an immediate recognition. I no longer need tools to read. I get a much clearer picture without them. Symptoms I'm currently experiencing:
- Energy flows easily through me all the time and I am aware of this
- Protection around me all the time and I'm aware of it
- I can sense spirit/energy around me all the time and keep it from disturbing me
- Recurring dreams in which I'm doing some kind of learning work (I don't remember much of it when I wake up)
- Foresight - knowing something will happen and being able to prevent it (i.e. a drink spilling)
- Easy communication with guides
These are things that aren't linked to one particular phase. I'll lump those in here.
Numbers are important. It seems to be the way for the universe to get my attention if there's something I'm supposed to pay attention to. I've been keeping track of these and figured out my own interpretations of them based on experience with the numbers.
I keep noticing small shifts in my reality. I don't know how else to refer to them. They're things like a friend has a dog whose name is different now than it was (but I can't remember for the life of me what her name was before). A song I thought existed didn't exist for a while and now it does again. Some people's personalities seem different to me, just a tad off (maybe because my perception is different than it was). I keep making connections between different myths, religions, and beliefs coming around to there's a universal commonality among them.
I sense I'm in the process of another shift at this very moment. I'll talk more about this as it goes. The most recent development is I sense a feeling of great joy from many on the other side - wherever these beings dwell - like I've accomplished something they're very excited about and many want to help me develop further.