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Going though hard times!

Going through tough times, need some support we are here :)

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AndromedanStarSeed
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:35 am

Unread post Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:00 am

its not easy for me to talk about this situations one point we all go through this one time or another with family member. How I'm going to put this lightly, close to 60 in age acting almost like and elderly age of 80's or 90's. its not easy live with family has issues and its doesn't help well when family friend who has mental illness some kind that doesn't stand up for them selves and always say sorry, but she nice. One thing that gets me frustrated when my mother came home yesterday from the hospital after she stayed for good few days after the spinal surgery and have surgical remove B-9 tumor out of her spine and bits of bone went due to more then two years that tumor was growing on her spine and giving her issues such cant walk well pain all the time . The surgery went well and things are good but, when she came home she broke the dr's orders, she should to use the walker for walking where she needs to go for good awhile so she don't fall and brake her hip instead her friend Debbie didn't have brains to tell her use the walker . I got on my mom's case for not resting for week before doing things and time to heal What is next my mom gets hostile and yelling and put me down and drag her friend Debbie in to this that has mental illness and she goes along with my mother and put downs and things thrown in my face about my brother said and father said and who divorced my mom due to her behaviors and actions he cant take it anymore. Things like put her in 72 lockdown hearing this form my own mother put words in to peoples mouths and lie, I catch her doing this many times, and I'm seeing this person as her friend that replaced me. I have talked about my feelings of this behavior and how it hurts also makes me frustrated about this person is not family nor flash or blood over stepping and I'm home all the time due to my health issues getting back on my feet and take care of my mother. It hurts hearing her calling Debbie all the time and she do things for my mom and no regard's stopping her hey you need to rest always yes and yes and what's bad enough her listing in and agreeing with my mom talk bad about me put downs left and right as well laughs and says yes and with an agreement what ever its wrong nor right . It bad enough to put up with that and having Debbie gain up on me and preached me saying this and that after words I heard my mom talk not good things about me to her friends gossiping like oh she screams and make things up and my other family don't even ask hey its that true. My younger bother has nothing to do with my mom I understand why and other brother has kid and only take so much of our mom and yet he's tape recorder for her whos doing what and etc I just wanted to say something to him you are doing more harm then good, if they wanted to let her know about this and that they have an mouth to speak. Other thing that hits me right in stomach being accused of doing things with bf such as sexual things together and another one is oh you and him are shacking up, I looked at my mother and said what the hell you think I would do that to your bf and big fight over something that ant true that didn't happened first place its bad enough out of no where out of blue she's saying this along with things I get blame for like its my problem that you started it and etc I 'm tired saying sorry for things I didn't do wrong or issues to problems that are not mine begin with. I have talked to my friend and let her understand what's going on and she told me I hate to say this that your mom is very ill as sick type that she has mental illness it sounds like huntingtons other name for it is aka (HD) or similar. I have looked it up and seen these effects and systems of it and its not pretty and it dose destroy family and relationships and hard to live with. Thinking all of this with my mind about Debbie her friend/roommate makes things worse and don't stop the behavior and tell her no that's not right to say that and etc. I hope the nurse comes and visits my mom and if I have an chance to talk with this nurse explained things what's going on to see if I can get my mom on meds and better care for this mental illness if my friend is right and checked out and have it better controlled and Debbie as well to have peace in the house hold.

Its not easy to deal with two people in house hold have mental illness and talking about it out in opened on net, I don't know if people are going though same things or similar to. Any ways thinks for reading this it may help those who understand if they have family with huntingtons disease.

curb9
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:52 am

Unread post Sun Nov 19, 2017 6:26 pm

*joins A-star on a couch and shares a chocolate treat. It sounds so frustrating

I have gone to therapy in the past to help with tough relationships. There are ways to deal with things like this so that you can continue your life and pull yourself out from under their mean words. You deserve better. Mental illness can be hard to deal with without professional help.

I hope you can get some help in real life

We are all here to listen though :)

*pulls out some darts and they sit and throw darts at a picture of an angry monster (I don’t want to throw darts at people or animals so that’s the closest I can think of)

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AndromedanStarSeed
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:35 am

Unread post Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:25 pm

I'm thinking of that and just live out my life, every time I say something it don't get though and it becomes like this "you don't like it go to your dad's place and let him deal with you". My thought in my mind as I look at Debbie you blank just there and don't get it and back off you are ruining my family and egging on my mothers mental illness how dare you. I wanted to say this to Debbie's face, but I have to better person and just walk way. If I don't it be big fight and police be bring in into my grandmother's place and my mother and Debbie pointing their fingers at me like I caused it and my life blanked up and family well disown me after that.

When I get on my feet I'm going to talk about this situations to people with in group that are with in medical and so forth, for them to understand and to beware of things like this. It dose ruin your family and their friendships with family as well it can be the legal battle with family at the end.

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Owlscrying
Posts: 1835
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:21 am

Unread post Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:56 pm

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Well said Curb. ♥

♥ Star you have to protect yourself. ♥

Not Mom's fault, but it shouldn't hurt those who are caring for her.

Consider having a nurse come in as much as you can, so, at least an 'outsider' knows the living situation, and may be able to help in giving references for support, so you are not alone in this.

The National Alliance for Caregiving partners with other caregiving associations and groups to provide additional resources to help family caregivers address and cope with the challenges of caring for a loved one.

The National Alliance for Caregiving


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curb9 wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 6:26 pm
I have gone to therapy in the past to help with tough relationships. There are ways to deal with things like this so that you can continue your life and pull yourself out from under their mean words. You deserve better. Mental illness can be hard to deal with without professional help.
 
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