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Feeling like a failure

Something you want to get off your chest, say it 'BIG'

Esteban
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:32 am

My previous post in this section of the forum was my rant about my inlaws. This post is the follow up.

Things have since looked up. My family and I are all moved out from my sister and brother in law's place and into our own apartment. My oldest daughter has her own apartment, while myself, my wife, our youngest daughter and her boyfriend live in another apartment in the same complex. Myself, my wife and our oldest daughter also work for the same company. All of our animals came with us.

So why do I feel down and like a failure you ask? Allow me to explain. Over two years ago, I fulfilled a lifelong dream when I earned my degree in mechanical engineering. The job that would change my life has yet to have been offered. We get by on what my wife and myself make, albeit barely. I want to make what I am capable of making so we can be comfortable. I want for my wife to have the option of not working if she chooses. I want to be able to help our children out should they ever need it. We have been helped out many times before so we know first hand.

I have wanted to be an engineer my entire life. I finally have earned the degree and now no one wants to give me a chance. My passion is engineering, but is also about income level. I'm done with living paycheck to paycheck with no money left over to save or fall back on when issues arise. I put in countless hours of work for my degree but now earn a fraction of what I could be making.

I feel like I let my family and myself down. It's very frustrating and it's like I am being punished and/or tormented by the universe for some reason. I just want to be given a chance which I vow to make the most of. It was especially discouraging not being chosen after conducting a final interview for an engineering position a few months ago. That was the closest I have been to being given a chance.

I just had to vent my frustrations about this. I haven't been on the forum much lately and will be more active here from now on. I am just in a rut. All I want to do is follow my dreams and be financially secure. Words of advice, encouragement, inspiration,an insight, are welcomed.
Last edited by Esteban on Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Ravensfox
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2017 2:10 am

Unread post Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:45 am

Hi Esteban,

Let me be the first to tell you you are not letting anyone down. Your showing care and determination to want to help your family and you truly love them which is not failure if you ask me.
As for the worry of providing, you will I assure you have your dreams come into place, you just need to wait a little longer.

The main advice is stop beating yourself up your doing a great job as a parent and partner and are an amazing person.
Ravensfox

Esteban
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:49 am

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement Ravenfox. My family and I went through a journey of many years to see me earn my degree. It was a major letdown to have not had a job lined up when I graduated. It was even more of a letdown when nothing materialized since then. I get weary waiting.

Once I get my chance, I will make the most of it and be grateful. I just wish I knew what besides lack of experience is holding me back. Maybe I shouldn't know for the sake of my confidence. I have heard countless no's, now I just need that one yes to change everything.

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Owlscrying
Posts: 1849
Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:21 am

Unread post Mon Nov 20, 2017 8:53 am

Image

Have been with you, since your first posting, on your trials and travails.

Give yourself credit, the strength, determination, fortitude, compassion you showed through-out your travels has been tremendous.

With much admiration and respect to you. ♥


 

 
Image

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Samanthaj
Posts: 995
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:19 am

Unread post Tue Nov 21, 2017 8:27 pm

We are here for you Esteban, You're far from a failure. You have done so so well to support your family. It's admirable.
Just reading your post I can see how much you care for them all and want to support them. Have to agree with Owl here, I have a lot of respect for you

I really believe things will change for you Esteban hold on .... I know an opportunity will come up for you. I'm sure of it.
Don't worry about your time away from the forums. Come back on when you're ready to and when things aren't too hectic... until then we're still praying

hugs
Sam j
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - A. A. Milne

Esteban
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Thu Nov 23, 2017 5:17 am

Thankyou so much everyone. I needed and appreciate all your kind words.

I remember you welcoming me to the forum Owlscrying. That was a really rough time when for some reason I was dealing with difficult recurring emotions regarding my ex. I get that way every year approaching her birthday, but that year was the roughest by far since I last saw her 12 years ago. Then add to that being a new graduate experiencing the big letdown of no job after the high that was graduation.

Thank you too Samanthaj. I am flattered you admire me. I want the best I can possibly do for myself and my family. I won't ever be a millionaire but also don't want to be poor either. I consider living paycheck to paycheck poverty because you are one mishap away from being homeless. So many people live that way and I have always wanted to avoid such to the best of my ability.

My children both are grown, but I want them both to always have someone to turn to during bad times. I don't want for my wife to have to worry about working to help support us, only for spending money if she chooses. I will be 40 soon and want to save a little up before reaching the point where I am ready to retire.

I will keep everyone updated as to my situation. I plan on 2018 being the biggest year yet. Someone WILL hire me and I will give 110% effort to show them this is my destiny. I have been an engineer my entire life. Now I would like to start being paid to work as one.

Esteban
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:22 pm

Narrowly averted having no electricity for two weeks and being evicted. I am stressed out from but all is well.

2018 has to be better for me. I need the job I have been looking for now more than ever. This upcoming year I need to make the necessary moves to maximize my chances of being hired.

I also plan on making a post that I have always wanted to make since joining this group and never mustered up the courage to go through with. The plan is to compose and post it this week at long last.

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Gabrael
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2017 1:13 am

Unread post Sat Dec 09, 2017 8:03 am

yous not alone bro,we've been living like that all my life, always on the edge, and have fallen then got back up again, then fall again, this cycle has to stop. There might be a higher calling, who knows, dont forget to relax and take mind off the stress now and then :)... anyways Good to meet you, see you in chat whenever. :)

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Samanthaj
Posts: 995
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:19 am

Unread post Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:04 am

Esteban wrote:
Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:22 pm
Narrowly averted having no electricity for two weeks and being evicted. I am stressed out from but all is well.

2018 has to be better for me. I need the job I have been looking for now more than ever. This upcoming year I need to make the necessary moves to maximize my chances of being hired.

I also plan on making a post that I have always wanted to make since joining this group and never mustered up the courage to go through with. The plan is to compose and post it this week at long last.

Hug Esteban

Still keeping you and your family in prayers.
I'm so glad you weren't evicted after all

2018 will be better, I promise
it's hard to keep the faith right now with all of this happening but someone will take you on, I know they will.

I look forward to seeing your post too, :clapp:
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - A. A. Milne

Esteban
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:15 pm

Unread post Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:47 pm

Samanthaj wrote:
Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:04 am
Esteban wrote:
Fri Dec 08, 2017 11:22 pm
Narrowly averted having no electricity for two weeks and being evicted. I am stressed out from but all is well.

2018 has to be better for me. I need the job I have been looking for now more than ever. This upcoming year I need to make the necessary moves to maximize my chances of being hired.

I also plan on making a post that I have always wanted to make since joining this group and never mustered up the courage to go through with. The plan is to compose and post it this week at long last.

Hug Esteban

Still keeping you and your family in prayers.
I'm so glad you weren't evicted after all

2018 will be better, I promise
it's hard to keep the faith right now with all of this happening but someone will take you on, I know they will.

I look forward to seeing your post too, :clapp:
I FINALLY made the big post in the Memory of a Loved One sub forum. Check it out when you get the chance.

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