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Not Sure Where to Put This . . .

Ask or send healing/help to a friend or loved one.

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Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2017 2:23 pm

Unread post Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:59 am

Back in April, I miscarried.
Nearly bled out on the hour long trip to the hospital (an ambulance was not an option).
Took surgery to stop the bleeding. Blood level dropped to .03 of requiring a transfusion.

My concern is I am not moving forward as I would have hoped I would by now. I hold to the greenman, renewal and rebirth, we know we'll try again and that we'll have another little one. That is not the focus here.

I'm . . . I've faced death many times in my life. That line became an old friend, seen it so much. But, it was yup, see it, nope, not today then I would go on about my life, flipping the reaper a toodle-oo. I never lost sleep over that. Ever.

This time, I cannot seem to get over the reminders of how close I came to leaving my son and husband wife and motherless. Hubby and I have been through close moments before. We know the job I had (he still does, but on a safer level). Nearly dying was never a thing.

Having a son now, I'm sure is what drives this home. I would do anything for him; give up anything to see him grow and be happy. Feels like I let him down, not being able to stay safe with ease maybe, or that we had to take back him having a sibling. He moped for three days after we told him.

When we got to my dad's after being released, our boy met us at the door, "did you hear the news?!" I about collapsed, partially from still feeling the blood loss and the shock of his bluntness. The news was, daddy and I were spending Easter night with him at grandma and grandpa's. Was four days before I was able to take our boy home and take care of us both. Stayed with family until then.

Do not know what I need to move on. Do not like the idea of risk anymore.
When I am gone and all light is lost, you will see me again...

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Unread post Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:42 pm


“Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying,
‘Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got things to do.'”

:hugs: ShadowLight :hugs:


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Unread post Mon Jul 24, 2017 3:00 pm

Thank you. Woke up this morning, and, after he and I sat for a bit, in the quiet of our pre-morning wake up the little boy, everything fit. <3 Maybe letting people know is sometimes the missing piece. And chat today helped... Reminded me why we were together and how we have already owned our lives against so much.

We got this. <3

Thank you.
When I am gone and all light is lost, you will see me again...

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Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:19 am

Unread post Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:47 pm

Big hugs to you Shadow.
I have no words. All I can say is I can relate to you and i'm still searching myself
I'm so glad you're still here and with us are precious and your little family, your boy is a sweetheart. It's terrifying to look back and notice how close. I was very close to needing a transfusion end of june, I feared the worst and you're right, there's nothing worse than the 'what-if'. I'm so sorry for your loss. My most recent was in June this year , same circumstances re the loss and coming close. It still feels unreal and there's some expectation we face to move on quickly. As you say.. it's not as simple as having another, dusting it off and moving on.. it's not just our own upset and grief but noticing it others, then being in a place to have to comfort them, when you're dealing yourself. It's not easy at all... hugs.
You're in my prayers Shadow and know we are here for you, just as you have been for me and others.
So true about letting people know. Sometimes we just need to. Sometimes we just need a hug or listening ear... and i'm glad you have each other. 'Twas definitely needed this morning. God bless you three. Big hugs

Edit: my pm is always open to you, if you ever need to chat / vent/ ask me anything.
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - A. A. Milne

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Unread post Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:13 pm

Sam. Double hugs. The willingness to ate up for such a thing if difficult to regain. If it had begun 30 minutes later, after hubby left for work, the outcome would have been very, very different. An added 2-3h to reach the hospital....

I am sorry to hear you went through the same. No one should ever have to--for so many reasons.

Appreciate knowing you are available. And hope you know it is always returned.

When I am gone and all light is lost, you will see me again...

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Unread post Tue Jul 25, 2017 5:40 pm

Bear hugs ShadowOfLight, Comfort and Support from other people is so important. I cannot express how much of a pleasure it was to read for you earlier after viewing this post. Hopefully, that brought you through some clarity and insight and some light to be shed on what you are going through. Life is so precious and ought to be saved, if in doubt.

I appreciate just knowing you from being here too as you truly are a beautiful but sensitive soul. I really don't say things like this often for not knowing how to express oneself in a way which others might understand, but I definitely do genuinely mean it here in this post!

A friend that has been long lost which has found home on here, I think its safe to say! All that needs to be said now is you know where I am if you need a friend in need for often the friend indeed is always there! I'm gonna stop right there now with this post for fear of over-talking!

I know I will talk for England once I start! And nobody can get a word in edgeways, but look for the silver lining always & keep the hope that spirit are indeed around you helping you set yourself back on track to the path which you are meant to be going in/headed! You are being kept in my healing prayers and positive thoughts too, which I hope also will help surround you in love.

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Unread post Tue Aug 01, 2017 6:07 am

Gods and ABT, thank you, Rose for that. I understand you perfectly, but, for similar reasons, haha, will stop at saying, I'm back with family. Thank you.
When I am gone and all light is lost, you will see me again...

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