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Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:03 am

Fri Oct 06, 2017 3:24 am

Thank you Silent for not only writing your first post but for continuing to converse with me. Because of you I finally identified the problem that has been plaguing me for over half my life. While writing this post I recognized that it wandered all over the place but it still pertains to my main problem/post. I apologize for my rambling in the below post.

Thank you, Silent.

I also live in the bible belt, lol. I don't live with my aunts; I just love them very much and am afraid of being rejected by them. I know that if they really loved me back they wouldn't. Now that I'm thinking about it I realize that all of my fears are based on my terror of not being loved or rather my internal feeling of not being worthy of love. I mean, what is rejection? Rejection is someone saying that you are not acceptable and if you aren't accepted then you aren't loved. One has to be accepted first before one can be loved. Why am I afraid of not being worthy of love? Because I don't accept and love myself. Inside I feel that I'm bad, unworthy of acceptance and love.

Following that chain of logic I can recognize three distinct parts of me that are misaligned. There's who I am or my true-self, which, probably, has existed since birth. There's the part of me that rejects my true-self, which I'm guessing started to exist around my early teens. There's my consciousness that recognizes those other two parts of myself. Both my true-self and the aspect that rejects the true-self must reside in the unconscious, warring with each other, thus causing my consciousness pain, confusion, and distress. That's why I've never had a sense of self.

I've know who I am on an unconscious level but the development or integration of who I am into my consciousness has been prevented by the self-rejecting aspect that also exists in the unconscious. I've believed that I'm am less than worthless for so long that it's taken the place of my true-self in both my conscious and unconscious. What's the solution to the problem? I have to accept and love myself in totality. That's why I've been so afraid. I'm terrified to accept and love myself. Why? I have no idea.

I don't even know how to start accepting and loving myself. This is going to be the hardest and most frightening thing I've very had to do in my entire life but I also know it will be the best thing I've ever done as well. The tricky part is figuring out how to start. I've, finally, identified the problem. That's half the battle. Next, I have to figure out how to begin accepting and loving myself.

Thank you SO SO SO much Silent. You have no idea how much you helped me. You may have just given me a life; a reason for being. I can't possibly thank you for what you've done.

I hope to hear back from you soon,


Light and Dark
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:09 pm

Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:33 pm

M.Stone.... Oh goodness...It's been my pleasure to converse with you. I love reading your posts.

I love how you described the word "rejection" and what it really means. You also saw that you need to accept and love yourself. It has nothing to do with people but it's the reflection of your own thinking to show you what's going on in your mind, just to notice those thoughts, question those thoughts and meet them with an understanding.

I believe the reason you are feeling afraid to accept and love yourself in totality because you are waking up to reality. It was so amazing and the ego just had to shut it off. It was losing the self. You are having this self-realization experience which means it showed us something that it was so frightening, we are afraid of it and you know, it's an ego's's how it can keep its identification. It's just not serious and the ego just grab at something horrendous just to keep its identification. It was the false identity intact. Fear comes from our egoic mind and fear does not understand love because it's unknown to fear. Fear has never been your true nature. Love is your true nature, sweetheart. It was beyond the thinker until that thought disconnected the experience you're having. Thought isn't the problem. It's that you believed the thought and that was a disconnect that took you from your true nature into the world "I'm bad, unworthy of acceptance and love."

Living in this western culture taught us differently.... We were taught from an early age to try to accommodate those around us, to follow certain rules of behavior, to suppress our spontaneous impulses and to do what is expected of us. We also have been taught what is "right" and what is "wrong" and so on. There are so many beliefs or ideas that has been planted in our heads. We've been living in our heads and we haven't been in present moment. I truly believe that this is the reason why we couldn't find who we really are. Living in this western culture is very difficult.....and we are here for a good reason whether we understand it or not.

Now you are on this "loving yourself" journey... and it's a wonderful journey to be on. I'm so glad that you and I both are experiencing "awakening" on this journey together.

It's been...such a privilege..... talking with you. It truly is. I've been in your shoes before...and I didn't have anyone to explain it to tell me about things that I wanted to know, what I needed to hear. I found books that I was meant to read and they helped me tremulously. This is no accident that you and I are meant to have this conversation. You are the gift to me. This is truly a miracle......Thank you.... Thank you...

Loving Silent Voice

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