A man sits at a bar and orders 20 double whiskies and starts to neck them as the barman is pouring them.

The barman says "hey, steady on there buddy, what is the rush?"

The man replies "you would down drinks like this if you had what I've got"

The barman replies "why, what have you got?"

The man empties the last glass, looks up through drunken eyes and replies "2 dollars".

On a very hot, Sunday morning, Satan decided to have a little fun and make an appearance at a Southern church.  Just as the choir began to sing Amazing Grace, the ground trembled and Satan appeared before the congregation with a burst of flame and rolling smoke.

The church goers and the pastor all fled in terror.  Satan was feeling pretty smug at his little stunt when he noticed an elderly gentleman sitting in the front pew, appearantly unphased by the whole sight.
"Silly human, do you not know who I am?'" Satan bellowed in a thunderous voice.

"I sure do", the little man calmly replied.

"And are you not filled with terror?"  Satan asked him.

"Nope, not a bit."  responded the man.

At this point, Satan became very upset but shocked nonetheless.  "And why not?"  he roared.

"Because I've been married to your sister for 60 years!" laughed the old man.