I think there is one spiritual person put into a dysfunctional family to keep the sanity so to speak and also bring the family back together when everything falls apart..I agree addictive substances are lethel,even when discussed many don't make the decision to stop using them until they themselves hit rock bottom,I think the person really has it in their head that they aren't hurting anyone.Sorry to hear about your father in law,He probably doesnt attribute his traumatic event to his drinking and  feels no reason to give up what he enjoys.My ex husband has had 3 heart attacks in a short time,he still has not given up smoking,some people just have to do it their way,regardless ..

DionaN,First I want to say,I'm so sorry your dads destructive life style has caused you emotional pain.You're right there is always hope but I think sometimes we have to sever ties with those in our life who continue to hurt us because they wont make some much needed changes.To some extent we all live our lives doing what is going to make us happy,but we don't make choices to continue with destructive behaviors that is emotionally or physically damaging to the ones we are supposed to love and care for.I can say that my story with my father had a very happy ending,when he passed away I was left feeling a part of him,that he truly did love me,and that he had made amends.On the other hand I can honestly say that the story with the person who gave birth to me,will never have that happy ending,and I'm truly ok with that.I'll tell you why,She left when I was very young,which I was happy about because she was a very neglectful and abusive person.She ended up getting me back when I was a young teenager,She lived with her boyfriend,a terrible man who physically and sexually abused me.The sexual part started with him coming up behind me and grabbing my breasts,the person who I wont even call "mother" would watch this and laugh,her doing that gave him a clear message it was ok to take things even further and it gave me a clear message that I didn't matter,I was in a place where I didn't feel love or belonging again.It didn't take long after I went to live with her that she married this awful man,when she did that the cycle of abuse intensified greatly,so not even 1 1/2 years after being in her home,I ran away,never went back.Through her mother she got my address years later when I grown and had 2 children,She wrote me a letter,no apologies,just going on about her great life with this awful man that had nearly destroyed my life and she wanted to be able to see my children.I sent her back a letter telling her that I would never be able to trust her with my children,that she was no mother of mine and that after this letter that I didn't want any contact with her whatsoever. The point really was that I had spent such a battered,neglected and abandoned childhood that in my adult years I wasn't going to accept someone in my life who was going to cause me further pain.I had thought a few times as a teenager that I missed having a mother,I realized it wasn't her that I missed but my ideal of what a mother should be and believe me,she was the furthest thing from that.I had to realize,I never had the choice of who gave birth to me,but as an adult  I didn't have to accept her,didn't have to love her,I didn't even have to pretend to have feelings for her because quite honestly I don't..I don't care about her,don't love her,yet don't hate her either,shes just non existent to me,it may be uncaring of me,but I made that decision so I could move on, be a mother to my own children,and have my own sense of self worth..I think you have made a very wise decision,you have done what you needed to do,no one can feel as a "whole" person when a parents destructive patterns keep affecting your life and just maybe,Your decision will leave him with time to feel the loss of you in his life,maybe that loss will be enough for him to make the changes,that is where your simmer of hope will come from.I wish you the best DionaN,I really do  

Hugs to you,Marilyn